normalcy, guilt, rest

I arranged for James to stay at playcare (his medical daycare) next weekend while Seth and I have our weekend away in Roseville. Josiah will be with grandma and grandpa. When I called to make arrangements for James for next week, Cindy (the head nurse at playcare) said they they had openings both weekends in March, both this weekend and next. She offered for him to stay both weekends. My first inclination was

no, we don't need him to stay the weekend of the 12th - we will be home.

But, as I thought about it, I realized that I would be quite pregnant by now, and maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to give myself that break. So, I agreed to send him for just Saturday night this weekend... and pick him up after church.

Yesterday was just a normal Saturday. Seth worked on taxes and paperwork, and Josiah and I were just home. I took James to playcare in Magalia in the late morning. He spent the night. It is now Sunday, and I feel SO refreshed and relaxed. It is an odd feeling for me.

Last night I went to a Pampered Chef party at Carla's, and Seth took Josiah to Lenny's house for a BBQ and just to hang out. Easy, peasy for him, since he didn't have James, and all of his needs.

This morning Seth, Josiah and I went out to breakfast. We don't do restaurants with James, because of his history of gagging and vomiting, and how limited his diet is... and because the wheel chair and everything he needs is such a production... and just a ton of work. It was extremely easy to have two parents on one child this morning!! And Josiah sure was a cutie, sitting in a booster seat, and maneuvering the adult fork they gave him, and learning restaurant manners, and all of that...

Then we went to church. We got there early. Got a chance to visit with people.

As a mom, there are so many emotions surrounding James and his disability -- how to handle it in our everyday lives, when to take a break, what to expect of him, myself, Seth, and Josiah....

A little normalcy and rest once in a while does our family much, MUCH good! And yet there is guilt there - whether I like it or not. There is something BIG missing when James isn't part of our family time. Nothing seems quite right. None of the scenarios seem to completely satisfy.

I sure love that kid!!!!!!

It is one of those sad things, mixed with happy, that disability brings to a family.....

I'm gonna go pick him up now. I am refreshed and will be glad to see him.