I had a TON of help in the beginning, and no expectations were placed on me by anybody. But the last couple of weeks have been full of appointments (as usual) and regular-life-kinds-of-things... I have had to be strong all day, and then unload on my poor hubby when he finally gets home in the evening (which feels like an eternity to wait for every day!) -- Poor guy, I'm sure he has no idea what to do with me!! It's like every little thing feels really BIG to me, and I get overwhelmed extremely easily. I need prayer right now for strength, help from the Lord to be Christlike in these moments when my flesh wants to take advantage of the exhaustion (and usually DOES)... and just an overall peace in our home (sadly, it hasn't been peaceful here).
I talked to Seth this morning on the phone, and told him that after work he should do whatever he feels like doing. That I know it's been stressful around here, and if he wants to go have a beer with Lenny or just work in the yard, or whatever he wants to do, that I would find a helper for myself with the boys. I think Aunt Lyndsey wants to come hang out with us, which would be good.. because she's low-key, loves the boys to death, and easy for me!! I think Seth was relieved to hear that he has that "out" for himself after what I've put him through the last several days. He is SUCH a great husband and daddy, and has SOOOOOO much grace on me -- letting me take off in the evenings just to get a break and clear my head -- letting me freak out about dumb stuff, and not entering into an argument with me... just being the wonderful man that he is!!
I am ready for this to pass! Soon, Lord, PLEASE!
Today has been a good day. I do feel fragile, but things have been working out. Cora is here. The sun is shining, and it is warm outside (which helps more than it should! haha!!) -- Everything is done for the milk-and-cookies party on Saturday, and my helpers are in place for that. We have a solid plan, and I think it is going to make for a really enjoyable party (and totally CUTE, too!!).
I haven't placed any expectations on myself about getting anything done around here. Like I have no goals for organizing, getting a certain amount of laundry done, or anything like that.. I have just been enjoying my kids, doing play-dough with them, going on walks, playing on the computer with James, and stuff like that. Which is probably exactly what God would have me do. It's just that most of the time I have all kinds of other priorities that don't really matter as much as I think they do.
But not today. Today I am giving myself the freedom to end the day however it ends - whether things are done or not - and no matter what, it will be OK as long as I have been a pleasant person to be around. I guess that's my only goal for the day. To be pleasant. Especially to Seth this evening for the time that I do see him.
Galatians 5:13-26
13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Oh, Lord!
2 comments:
thank you...i needed this today...my boys have been so hard for me lately and it's been building up...today on the way home from preschool as both boys were screaming and crying over a toy I threw my own screaming and crying fit...I had to ask the Lord's and their forgiveness over dinner. As I was praying I could hear Caden chewing loudly even though I had just asked him to stop eating so we could pray. Chaos. That's my life and I love how God always seems to intertwine our stories. It's such an encouragement to me to hear your struggles to honor God as a wife and mommy. It reminds me I'm not alone in thinking this is HARD! I'm praying for victory for both of us! I love you!
Hi lovely, I am praying for you. I've been there. Six times to be exact! There in that fragile place... I will pray that it passes quickly. But if for some reason God has up His sleeve to keep you fragile for awhile, I will pray for deep intimacy with Him in this season. I know it's not easy. I agree with Teryn, my life with four small children is utter chaos. I can't remember a day when I actually had "it all together." (whatever that means :) I can't rmember a day when either them or I, weren't crying about something. Hehe! Tears often lead us to His presence... a sweet, tender, and joy-filled place to be. :) Love ya sweet friend! Wish I could come over and meet your sweet baby! :) He sure is stinkin cute!!!
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