thoughts

I do this thing where I think about the blog for days and days and I WANT to post, but I can't quite formulate into words exactly what is happening in my mind. A lot of thoughts have been milling around in my head. Thoughts about parties and traditions. Thoughts about life and death, and seizing the day. Thoughts about the legacy that I leave my children - how I teach them about loving the Lord, and about trusting Jesus, and how I fail to do this, too. Thoughts about priorities. About organization and fitness and health and schedules and structure and discipline and how BUSY I am all the time!! Thoughts about money and how I really have a responsibility to be a good steward, but there are always so many things on which I could spend. Thoughts about my limitations, how God is God and I am not. How so often my flesh comes out and attacks those I love most, instead of the Spirit leading me by love and to love.

It's a crazy world. The seasons are changing, and it does something in me.. I think God planned it this way, so that we don't stay in our complacency. So that we're shaken up a bit, and moved. Just a few weeks ago I was running and playing on the beach with my family. And now I'm cranking up the heater and putting on my sweatshirt and socks, cuz baby, it's COLD outside!!

Carrisa has been on my mind a lot. We're approaching the one year anniversary of her death. It's still getting harder to go on without her.. not easier... and even though I don't like that, I guess I wouldn't really like it if it was getting easier, either. The whole thing is just yucky. The world is not as it should be...

Well, Monday marks the beginning of the "biggest loser" contest that Lynds and I are participating in with her work people. It's a six-week contest, and I am hoping that it will move me toward discipline, not just physically, but spiritually also. Advent begins half-way through the six-week biggest loser contest, and I am just praying for transformation. Not only for myself, but for my kids, too. I'd like to do Advent with the Jesus Storybook Bible again this year, which keeps the whole focus simply on Jesus. I'm excited that the kids are one whole year older than last year, and can't wait to see the wonder in them in the way they experience Christmas this time around. I'm looking forward to their questions, and their insights, and their sweet, child faith.