baby

lately i've really been wanting to get pregnant. it's funny how emotions work when it comes to pregnancy. i mean, one minute you're just going along, fine with the current size of your family, and the next, you're dying to add just one more. i can't imagine ever being done having babies. i feel like i was made for it. last time my pregnancy was pretty darn easy. James brings sooo much joy into our lives; adding another one will only bring more :) i'm excited for the feeling of pregnancy again. feeling the baby move. feeling beautiful like never before - stunning, glowing, elegant, feminine. participating in bringing new life. God's miracle of life. i'm less idealistic this time. i hope i will enjoy it with the same innocence, but i fear that i will not. James' spina bifida shook me at my core. I will never be the same. something has shifted. i don't want to be a shrewd mom, though i do long for wisdom. the word says that "wisdom is supreme. get it." i'm so understanding that these days!! i feel so small compared to the Lord in His deep, deep wisdom. i need, need, need MORE wisdom from Him. I need to search the deep waters for it! Lord, teach me how to be youthful, and yet posess your deep maturity and wisdom, as a mom.