what's new

Seth had work today, which I am thankful for... and I am realizing more and more what a miracle it really is... but he has been really stressed out about finances lately. Every contractor we know of is looking for work, and many of them haven't worked for several weeks. My uncle put an ad in the yellow pages for his construction business, but the only calls he has gotten have been other contractors looking for work! Things are getting really tight for a lot of people. Actually, that's probably an understatement.

God is teaching me a lot through this. Many times I know what He requires of me, and I'm unwilling to obey until I am completely out of options. The sermon was about this yesterday, and the concept has been ringing in my head. The idea that we are never really secure in and of ourselves, even when we think we are. The idea that these hard times are good for us because they teach us to trust God in a way that we could never trust Him when we thought we had our own selves to trust in... but we never really did...

I have declared a spending freeze for myself this week. We have enough at home to get us by without ANY new purchases for a while. Seth and I have poured over our budget and cut out every extra luxury we could. Like I said, it has been good for us to be "forced" into this purge. We know that we have expenses coming up, too... medical bills after all is said and done with the birth of Josiah, and then payments on the rest of the bill for banking his cord blood for James... and it is tax time, which is never good news for us!

I keep praying for wisdom, so that I am able to be a calm and reassuring helpmate for Seth. How scary it must be for him, having such a fragile family... a wife who is 6 months pregnant; a son who is disabled and needs so much extra care and resources, who is probably going into surgery in about a month or so... not that much money in reserves... and unsteady income for the first time in his career... people out of work and hurting everywhere he looks... the dead of winter...

I am confident in the Lord's provisions. He has always given us more than what we needed. I have 2 main prayers for this situation. First, that He will make us more Christ-like through this. That we will be "mature and complete, lacking nothing" as James promises our trials to produce in us... and second, my prayer is for protection from lashing out our stress and frustrations on one another - that we will continue to be bound more closely together through this, by His grace.. that it would not cause arguments and melt-downs within our relationship. So far, so good... because in the end, what matters is our maturity in Christ and our relationships with each other.

I am praying for a consistent confidence in the Lord, so that fear will not rule in me, and that our decisions will continue to reflect our faith and our values, and not be driven by fear or hopelessness or anything ungodly.

what else is new?

well, today we saw the ear, nose and throat specialist again after 2 weeks of James being on anti-biotics to see if they might clear up the fluid in both ears. It sounds like the anti-biotics helped a little bit, but there is still some fluid... so James will have tubes placed in his ears (again) early in the morning on March 5th (my birthday). There's something about birthdays in our family........ sigh..

It's been raining NON-STOP for the last few days. I actually like it. It fits my mood and our circumstances. It represents the heaviness that I am feeling, but also the washing away of all of the impurities that have built up for so long. It is needed, and necessary, and good for us, and this, too, shall pass... and spring-time will come...

well, we are supposed to go to Eureka this weekend to visit our dear friends, Adam and Ashley Lefebvre, and their sweet newborn baby, Lucy. I really hope that things don't get worse so that we can't afford to go. Seth has talked about canceling the trip, but how I look forward to this little vacation!

James painted 2 beautiful pictures today. I'll have to take pictures of them to put up on here for all to see. I am proud of my little artist :) One of them still has a few of his little handprints on it (he did handprints on the other one, but then smeared them all up and you can't see them anymore!). He has so much fun playing in the paint and asking for more of a certain color, deciding whether he wants to use the paintbrush or just his fingers, and then picking which color paper he wants for his next painting. It is a joy to paint with him... a mess... but a joy!

I am probably going to sign up to sub in Paradise and Chico for the month of March. It's going to be a long, hard month if I end up working a lot, but I think that I can do it. I need to suplement our income while I still can. After March, I will be too pregnant and tired, and I will have neglected my God-given duties long enough. But for 4 weeks, I think I can do just about anything.

I have the most amazing husband who has never waivered in his convictions about our family values. When I brought up this idea of me subbing in March, he said that if I was talking about working long term, he would not feel comfortable with it, but since it is only one month that I'm talking about, that he would be grateful for whatever income I can bring in... especially if he ends up having several days with no work in March. I am glad to know that even this intense fear and stress does not cause him to throw out his values of me being at home giving James "our best," and that he will do whatever it takes to protect that. He never even hinted to me that he thought I should work, or asked me to try to find a way to bring in some income. It was my idea, because I want to ease his burden.

Thankfully, God has given me an easy pregnancy and it has not worn me down as much as pregnancy often wears on people.

I know my thoughts are scattered, but that's the jist of what's up with us!

I'll do another posting tomorrow if i can... until then, adios!