2 different radio stations...

lately it seems that seth and i are on 2 different pages. not fighting or clashing at all, but just tuned out from each other... like 2 different radio stations.. each coming in clearly, like we can understand or "hear" or "read" each other, but our hearts are burdened by some very different thoughts and cares.

anyway, this has been going on for about 2 weeks now, and i am just realizing a lot more about it tonight, as i sit here, up late - can't really sleep... again.

i am thankful for the way we each have listened to each other and tried to be understanding and sensitive... but i am getting tired of the distance. i want to be on the same page or wavelength again...

seth is concerned with finances, taxes, relationships at work, working in the yard, family issues with his sisters... he's been on the phone with both of his sisters for HOURS two different nights in the past couple of weeks, discussing the past, issues with his parents - mostly his dad... and a bunch of stuff that has been brushed under the rug for WAAAAY too long...

i am concerned with James' surgery coming up, my pregnancy and how it's getting harder and harder to take care of a child with special physical needs as my belly grows and grows... i am thinking a lot about how our life is changing with the addition of another baby, how all of the details are going to work out when i go into labor... who James will stay with, what he will bring with him (i'm already mentally packing his overnight bag for him...), when he will be able to come see Josiah at the hospital, how he will react, how he will do with the whole transition...

i am concerned about James' IEP coming up, whether i will be a good enough advocate for him, whether he will get the interdistrict transfer to go to school in Chico, how the budget cuts will affect his education, whether he will have a good teacher, whether he will enjoy preschool.... i am excited to see him get a wheel chair, a kid walk, and all of the other equipment that he has recently gotten...

seth and i are both ABSORBED in our own thoughts, and it seems that, even though we are doing our best to love each other through these cares and concerns, we don't share very many of the same ones...

i just need to pray and seek The Lord, and i know He will bring us all back into alignment...