De-ja-vu

I can't sleep. I am not sure if it is the pregnancy, or the cares of my heart, or both. But here I am, after midnight. I fell asleep in James' bed once again at about 8:30pm, and slept there for about 2 hours, but when I got into my bed, I just tossed and turned until about midnight, and then decided that my tummy needed some peppermint tea, so here I am.

Our life is very much the same as it was this time of year in 2009. Two years ago, I was about this pregnant with Josiah, my mom and Carla were throwing me a shower, work was scarce for Seth because of winter and the economy, I was starting to think toward James' IEP and him starting preschool (this time it's kindergarten that is coming up), and the dreaded tax time was upon us.

All of these things are true right now, and although Seth and I have the knowledge to trust The Lord, our provider, who has always blessed us with more than enough, the extremely FRAGILE circumstances still weigh on us, and our hearts forget to trust. Here is a post I wrote in February 2009 that is shockingly similar to how I am feeling right now: http://lynaesthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/02/whats-new.html

As I was reading through the blog from early 2009, I was both comforted and struck with grief. My heart was right toward The Lord, and I was being challenged to rely on Him more and more. Reflecting on my thoughts from that time in our lives, and looking back at how HE came through for us in all of our concerns does bring a lot of comfort to me right now.

But I also see both how close I was to Carrisa at the time (since we were both pregnant and due at the exact same time) - and also how strong James was - it is easy to forget these days. Both Carrisa and James' strength are completely gone. I never, EVER, EVER would have thought...

Well, if anyone you know is looking to do a remodel or home repair or addition on their home - or anything like that - Seth is looking for work.

This could be a blessing in disguise, because I know there are many who have been praying for our family for a long time now concerning Seth's profession, and wondering whether or not self-employment is the best option for someone who needs SO much sick leave. Please continue to pray about this. I do not want to sway Seth because of my own understanding. I do know that God knows, and that His understanding and plan is much higher and better than anything I can see. Who knows? Maybe He will open up an opportunity for Seth to go to work for a wonderful company, and get out of his own business. OR, maybe this will be the beginning of a fresh new start for the growth of SDC Construction.

Pray.