Welcome to the second-to-last day of 2010. Found out today that James has the MRSA staph infection on the incision site on his head where his new shunt was recently put in. We are hoping and praying that it has not somehow gotten IN the shunt... and not sure what that would mean for him if it did...
So, not only did my four-year-old become basically a quadriplegic this year, but he now has what could be a life-threatening infection. As if his spinal fluid needed a little anti-biotic-resistant bacteria mixed in with all his spinal cord has already had to endure...
And Seth and I can't communicate any better than a rat can communicate with a humming-bird. So that doesn't help.
I know I am being sarcastic and negative.
Sorry..
Just last night, Seth and I were discussing things like suffering, the discipline that the Lord brings, how this discipline relates to things like sickness and such, and things like that. I think the discussion that we had last night, and the scripture that was still fresh in my mind, is the only thing that kept me from completely losing it today when Dr. Mallory said it was MRSA.
I just pray this doesn't get worse.. but I do fear it will.
James is very fragile, and so am I. Did I mention that there is a small life growing inside of me? And I am under tremendous pressure and stress.
SIGH.
Things I am thankful for are:
1. SO FAR Seth, Josiah, and I have had really good health.
2. James hasn't vomited much in about 4 months, and I really think those days are behind us. This is a huge miracle, because I truly thought it was IMPOSSIBLE, and that vomit was a life-sentence for us. I know, I know, "you of little faith...."
3. James continues to have a great attitude, and to love The Lord and understand Him better than I do. He has a pure and childlike faith. He isn't an angry person at all...like his momma. I admire him.
4. Josiah's smile and energy.
5. Caleb's kicking right now.
6. My hubby still loves me for some strange and unexplainable reason... and hasn't taken off on the first plane to where-ever - anywhere but here - -- yet..
7. My mom and Becky - how they serve the Lord by FAITHFULLY loving me, and still let me keep a little dignity, too. How they just get down and dirty and do all the practical, normal, everyday stuff that need to get done. How they let me pretend that I still can handle at least some of my life myself - even though that's probably not really true.
8. My dad, and how real he is, and doesn't really care what people think.
9. God's sovereignty, and the fact that He ultimately has the last say. And that He is good.
10. The blood of Jesus to cover me.
Things I hate:
1. The phrase, "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle" -- I'm not sure if there is ANYTHING worse than this phrase.....
2. Being left here when other people get to go home.
3. Pregnancy induced heartburn.
1 comment:
things I love:
YOU! I so wish I could see you. And you are right about James. Just the other day Daniel was saying that he is the sweetest little boy we know! I just want to gobble him up with his hair combed to the side on your christmas card.:) My newly found life verse is, "I will always have hope. I will praise you more and more." I'm clinging to that with James and Lexi. What I've found with Lexi is that many of the challenges we face do leave at some point to be replaced with others.(sigh)
I was struggling with my anger too recently and then something inside me just broke and I have been broken ever since, crying a lot. I will pray that God will break you as well so that you can be free from the extra burden of anger and the guilt that comes with it.
I'm so sad your James has to endure so much. It hurts. What a beautiful light he is in this weary world...
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