Update 1/9/2011

Well, the fever came and went again today, hovering around 100 or 101, and then coming down with tylenol, but coming right back after tylenol wore off.. They started him on a THIRD anti-biotic by IV. After the last dose of tylenol this afternoon, the fever and sick feelings never returned, even though it has now been about 8 hours since the last dose was given.

When the fevers came, James felt really bad, and his whole personality changed. But when the fevers were gone, he was totally happy and chipper and playing and moving his left arm a lot and stuff. Especially this evening. We kept expecting the fever and yucky feelings to return, and they didn't. All of the cultures in his blood, urine, and CSF have been negative for bacteria. Hmmmm.... it is a mystery!!

Still don't know how this will all affect the plan for surgery, but we will know a lot more tomorrow, since it will be Monday and back to work for all of his docs.

I started feeling a little crazy today, and a little overwhelmed, when James was going back and forth between fever/sick boy and happy/perfectly-fine boy. I think it is when there are unknowns and mysteries and change of plans that I start to feel out of control. Even though I am never in control to begin with....

But I took a walk down to the bakery, and when I got back he was in a great mood and playful and had no more fevers....

I felt better.

I have had a LOT of time to think during this hospital stay, simply because I am not crazy-busy like I am at home. In a way it is kind of like a vacation, even though I wouldn't say that it is restful, but it is a much, much slower pace than I am used to. Much slower than Seth is used to, too! I haven't had to cook any meals for my family; I have had a lot of time to read and look at magazines and stuff; I have had a ton of time to play with James and have all kinds of long conversations with him about all kinds of things; I have had time to process what has happened in the last month, and the fact that Carrisa really isn't coming back, and I really am not going to see her in just a few weeks or something...

It is a strange and foreign state of mind for me.

I have sort of forgotten how to do normal life, and I suspect that I will be in for it when we get home -- in some sort of routine shock, or something... It is not going to be pretty...

But when is life pretty?

Just when we return to "normal" at home, it will be time for the new baby to arrive, and that will throw us all off again, into a whirlwind of "new" and "different" --- but it will be so sweet. I was just reflecting on what it is like to have a newborn, and thinking how nice it will be to sit and nurse my new baby boy, and savor those tiny moments with him!! I really can't wait! I can't believe that this is probably my last pregnancy, and probably my last time to savor those moments!!!

Today James said that he is ready for his baby to come out, and I said, "Not yet, because we don't really need a preemie in the NICU and a 4-year-old in the PICU, and a mommy in the mental ward!"

If we are still here when it is time for Caleb to be born, it shouldn't shock of us! I mean, what is a couple of months, right??

(Half-kidding)

(half scared it might actually happen)

sigh!!!

Can you sense the insanity in this post??